[18] The Tooth Fairy: Revealed

I was watching an episode of Family Ties (The title is “Oops” if you want to google it.) For me, I’ll always think of it as the show that ruined my childhood. 

I thought I was a pretty bright kid. From an early age, I knew Santa Claus wasn’t real. I knew the Easter Bunny wasn’t real. But the Tooth Fairy, she was real.   

How did I know this? Well, I’d place my tooth in a Cap ‘N’ Crunch treasure chest under my pillow. Then the next morning, I’d look in the chest, and VIOLA! there’d be a nice crispy $1 bill inside.

I wanted to somehow catch her in the act, so I tried to get “smart” and leave the light on. I waited, and waited, but she’d never appear. I’d eventually fall asleep and never got to meet her.

Instead, I tried Plan B: I wrote the Tooth Fairy a letter. And wouldn’t you know it? She wrote me back! Oh. Em. Gee.

Talk about walkin’ on sunshine! That made my second/hour/day/month/year.

Then the day came when I was about 10 years old (Yes, I was *that* old). I was watching this episode of Family Ties. There was some teenage girl, probably one of Mallory’s friends, who got pregnant. Then she spouted off this long list of things you have to do for your kid — Be Santa Claus… be the Tooth Fairy…

Double U. Tee. Eff.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! My world came crashing down at that moment. Reality slapped me in the face. I honestly didn’t want to believe it. But the truth was finally revealed.

The Tooth Fairy [insert corny suspense music] was my sister. She tried to tell me, but I didn’t believe it. To prove she was the tooth fairy, she showed me how the letter from the “Tooth Fairy” was the other half of the sheet of paper she had. Every little crinkle, every little edge matched up. Even the perfect printing matched up.

In all my anger, I wanted to destroy my favorite paperback book about the wonderful “Tooth Fairy.” The little dental hoarding pixie who had a house full of teeth. Stupid toothless lady (this is the reason the book gave for why she collects teeth).

And so my teeth stopped falling out of my head and the Tooth Fairy was no more. RIP Tooth Fairy.

Lesson Learned: No matter what, don’t stop believin’. 


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